25 Funny And Cynical Ron Swanson Quotes

I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.

ron swanson quotes

I’m not interested in caring about people.

ron swanson quotes

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

ron swanson quotes

Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

ron swanson quotes

 

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

ron swanson quotes

 

It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.

ron swanson quotes

 

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.

ron swanson quotes

 

It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.

ron swanson quotes

 

There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.

ron swanson quotes

 

Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.

ron swanson quotes

 

One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.

ron swanson quotes

 

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

ron swanson quotes

 

If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.

ron swanson quotes

 

Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.

ron swanson quotes

 

Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

ron swanson quotes

 

Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

ron swanson quotes

 

I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.

ron swanson quotes

I regret nothing. The end.

ron swanson quotes

 

Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.

ron swanson quotes

 

Breakfast food can serve many purposes.

ron swanson quotes

 

Friends: one to three is sufficient.

ron swanson quotes

 

Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.

ron swanson quotes

 

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

ron swanson quotes

 

There is only one bad word: taxes.

ron swanson quotes

 

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.

ron swanson quotes

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